As a mom of 2 teen daughters, I think of myself in a bit of more difficult situation because I grew up without a mother. But you know what, being a parent will always be difficult whether you grew up without a parent or not. It’s because we are all inborn with unique personalities. And so why did I write this post if nothing applies to anyone, you might say? It’s because our children are exposed to similar situations. These include raging hormones, peer pressure and social media, to mention a few. From these, we can all say that there are just a few paths that our children will lead to, and our parenting will have a great effect on that.
I have a long way to go in trying to help my daughters as they stir their own wheels in life. And I’m not even a child expert. But I’d like to share these 6 tips which you can also try at home to do better by your daughters, because somehow these work for us.
1. Ignore the eye rolling. I used to hate it whenever I see it but, I’ve found out that this phenomenon happens worldwide. It’s not just your daughter. When time comes when you just can’t ignore the eyes, just try to tell your daughter that you are annoyed and couldn’t talk calmly when you see it. They will stop eventually.
2. Teens express themselves through clothes. It’s a good thing that my eldest is into the 90’s or the nostalgic look so she doesn’t like to wear short shorts or spaghetti blouses ( I call them that ). My youngest like KPop so occasionally she wears short skirt but she always wear something underneath. It helps that they consider their dad when it comes to clothing. As for me, they know how I like them to wear dresses but they seldom do that.
The point is, that most often, teen girls wear clothes that look like too sexy, or maybe they wear make-ups. These are some sort of self-expression, that they want to be taken not just as little girls anymore. We don’t think of them as they like to attract boys but that they are just merely expressing themselves.
3. You need to talk to them beyond the sex topics. Information about sex is so accessible but for me, as a mom, what we really have to make them understand on this age, is that no matter what information they find outside, this act is something that can only be understood and shared together by people of certain age and situation. More importantly, we have to show them how they are loved at home and that they need to protect themselves against potential abusers. I do my best to encourage my kids to talk openly to me, especially about these matters. They may feel awkward talking about it to any other person, but not with us, their parents.
4. Selfishness is temporary. Teens, may they be boys or girls, are generally self-centered and they focus a lot on what they need. It doesn’t mean that we can’t advice them about valuing what they have or time management, but whenever we see them like this, we can think of it as something that is temporary. The key word for them is “temporary” while for us, it will be “patience”, patience in telling them what is right, over and over again.
5. Learn to negotiate but always have the upper hand. We can tolerate their selfishness and negotiate when necessary but bad characters should always be called to attention. You are still the parent and the mature adult, and although we have the urge to want to be their closest girlfriend, it can’t be. There are many times when my daughters go beyond the limit and then tell me, “Sorry Mom, I just became too over-confident”. On those many times, I forgive them but remind them at the same time that it was wrong and hurting.
6. They still need mom’s loving kisses and hugs. I once thought that when you have girls, they will always be sugar and honey even when they get older. I don’t know about your daughters, but mine aren’t. However, I learned that even though they don’t want to be smothered in the public, they still love it when I hug them privately, when they are tired, or when they are sad, or sometimes, when I am sad. I take those times as precious and I know there will still be lots of kisses and hugs in the future. For now, the “sometimes” will be enough.
I hope you learned a thing or two from this blog and I hope it made you a feel less anxious during those times when you think that you can’t figure your daughters out. There are still so much to learn and so many adventures waiting for us with our daughters. Take your time, enjoy parenting them. As the saying goes: “The love between a mother and daughter is FOREVER” and it will be true if we will always be patient, nurturing and reminding ourselves that, decades ago, we were the same as they are.
